Strategy/Sim

Making a Toy Out of US Politics—Just like Real Life!

HIGH Creating my Grace Jones candidate, complete with cape.

LOW Increases my cynicism of the electoral college as a system.

WTF "Gay Marriage?" Can't we just call it marriage equality yet?

Presented without comment are some screenshots from the upcoming Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate for the Nintendo Wii U and 3DS. I think these images from the 3DS version speak for themselves.

Legloas Orcs are an Image Forever Seared into My Brain

HIGH A perfect kill that results in massive chain combos of screaming orcs.

LOW When playing solo: maps designed specifically for co-op.

WTF With all the running the sorceress does, that much sideboob and lack of support is hazardous.

A Tactical RPG for People Who Hate Tactical RPGs?

HIGH Executing a flawless plan of attack in an important story battle.

LOW Sitting through the first ten hours or so as the game sets up its predictable story.

WTF Do I really want to find and try on different outfits for my bad anime-inspired helper?

After playing Hitman: Absolution at PAX Prime, I felt a lot more confident about it and decided to put $5 down at Gamestop in order to play the Sniper Challenge demo level.

The Butterfly Effect

HIGH Some of the game's features are refreshingly respectful of the player's time.

LOW Virtually everything else is not.

WTF One female quest-giver explains why she wants her comb fetched: "I want to impress my gallant Gorodo, but first I have to pimp myself."

Sappers Closing In!

HIGH Watching orcs get launched into the abyss/lava/acid/void traps never fails to bring a smile to my face.

LOW Attempting a perfect run, only to have orcs repeatedly slip past when I'm busy elsewhere.

WTF The Sorceress's "clothes" might as well be made of dental floss.

Welcome back to a semi-regular feature here at GameCritics.com: TouchTalk. While this series was inspired by one of my old features, the Bargain Basement, I've got an all-new focus for an all-new phase in gaming. Rather than highlighting discounted gems in the used section of a retail shop, I'll be reviewing downloadable mobile games and apps that you might want to check out… and maybe some that you'll want to avoid.

Where High School is Literally Hell

HIGH Performing an attack that deals over 9 million in damage.

LOW Level grinding can get tedious.

WTF The post-game abandons any pretense of sanity and slathers itself in crazy sauce.

A Spreadsheet with Great Music

HIGH The soundtrack easily lulled me into the one-more-turn mentality.

LOW The tooltips and tutorials leave much to be desired.

WTF That's how I control my fleet of galactic destruction?