New Review Posted: Darkwatch

Daniel Weissenberger · 09-21-2005, 02:25 AM

I review Darkwatch, and am stunned by what I find:

"Question one: You're a train robber who— and I can't stress this enough— does not know that monsters are really real. You climb aboard a train and discover that all of the passengers have been brutally slaughtered by reanimated skeletons wielding sickles. Do you,

A) run screaming from the train?
B) run screaming from the train and then have a nervous breakdown because the basic elements that support your belief in a rational world governed by science have been stripped away from you?
C) continue on your train robbery without comment, shooting monsters as you find them?"

The rest of the review, which is mostly not in exam format, is available here.

Hypatia93 · 09-21-2005, 01:24 PM

Danny, that was an hysterical review.

You know, I was actually hoping it would be a decent enough game for a future purchase somewhere down the line.. you know, when it was like $15 or so bucks. I mean hell, I like westerns and vamps, and I /loved/ Billy the Kidd meets Dracula.

After reading your review, though, maybe I should wait even longer..

HarmfulWrinkle · 09-21-2005, 03:18 PM

The single-player mode's a travesty -- the only redeeming feature is the Xbox Live multiplayer stuff.

Low Emissions · 09-27-2005, 07:40 PM

I didn't think the game was worthy of a 3.5. The game definitely has it's Serious Sam qualities and the story does suck, but I would say it's at least worth a rental. It's fun for a bit, and the small amount of multiplayer that I played was pretty fun, and the review made no mention of the multiplayer.

After reading the review, though, and then looking bad at the game, I realized that the game isn't nearly what it should have been, and that a lot of what was kind of in the back of my mind, other people are thinking as well.

Snack Eater · 10-03-2005, 05:48 PM

I remember seeing a trailer for Darkwatch over a year ago and thought "...zombies+vampire cowboys? YES! Nothing could go wrong!" Now, well don't that fuck the chicken--it sucks.

I WANT MORE REVIEWS! WHY ARE THERE NO REVIEWS? GIMME REVIEWS!

Daniel Weissenberger · 02-23-2006, 12:15 AM

Brad offers his second opinion on Darkwatch this week:

"In all honesty, I can't disagree with even one point that Dan brought up in his main review. He nails the game on every aspect that deserves it, and there are a lot. However, even though I find myself in total agreement with his breakdown, I have to admit that I found his score to be lower than the game deserves. Darkwatch clearly isn't going to win any awards, but in my opinion it's an enjoyable, short ride that ends up being better than some of the competition. It's a real shame that the developers managed to drop the ball so many times because like Dan says, games with as much potential as this one don't come along every day. I could easily see Darkwatch launching a franchise if the inevitable sequel fixes the mistakes."

He gives his slightly more positive opinion here.

Hypatia93 · 02-23-2006, 03:39 PM

Okay Brad, you've done it to me again.

After reading Danny's review, I eventually took it off my "wishlist." But now, after reading yours, I put it back on, figuring when it gets real cheap, I'll get it. I, too, like westerns, the undead, and cheap sex. Bastard. I should make you pay for some of these taudry titles I end up purchasing b/c of you.

Damn your eyes. Love you. Mean it.

(But really, have you ever thought of being a used car salesman?

)