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Old 06-21-2011, 10:40 AM   #4
frogofdeath
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Re: Please Rate this Review: Socom 4

Wesley J,
I think the writing is very well done, just not really seeing the "review" aspect of this piece. You have a good style and some good points, but there's something missing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wesley J View Post
That is why, for this review specifically I did the opposite and talked about my experience personally.
Before I even read this response, I felt the exact opposite - you left out your personal experience. The review reads more like an informational piece about the game. This is the plot, this is what you do, here are the characters, the sounds is like this, so-on-and-so-forth.

These type of items can be intermingled in the review, but right now I feel like you just tell the reader about the game, not your experience. I enjoy the paragraph where you mention the sound. This is something that isn't often focused on in reviews and adds something to your piece. However, once again, it comes off as, "this is the sound, you might hear this, the sound effects are this." Reword it to tell us how the sound effects helped immerse you in the game.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pedro View Post
The prose is very dense and stacatto.
I fully agree with Pedro's staccato comment. You use many fragments in you writing which takes away from your review. Some fragments are okay, but too many often makes the piece difficult to read and follow.

Once again, you have a good writing style, so I hope you make some revisions. Just be careful and avoid telling us directly what is in the game. Give us your experience and sprinkle in those general tidbits throughout.
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