Originally Posted by frogofdeath
Get rid of this sentence, maybe reword it. You don't need to tell the reader that you are getting it out of the way, there are other ways to phrase it and not lose your meaning. Maybe something along the lines of, "Unfortunately, that's about all the game has going for it." I would probably expand a little, but that's the basic gist.
I would get rid of this sentence as well. Once again, let your points and paragraphs back up what you are saying in this sentence, which I think you do in the paragraph that follows the above sentence.
One last item, I find this review too long (even if it fits in GameCritics.com's word limit). In part this is because of the fact that you dislike the game. No problems if a game is not a positive experience, but I would focus on two, three negatives max. Maybe throw in one positive, then close it off. As of right now, it just reads too long for my tastes.
Hey frog, thanks for the feedback!
I moved the "mess" line to the second paragraph, leaving the introduction with only the praise for the game's uniqueness. I still want to use the "mess" line, though, as there is no better word to explain what Knights Contract
is. It is a complete mess of a game.
I agree with you on the second line you quoted, it seems kind of unnecessary. I think the new version of that paragraph has a much better flow to it.
I shortened the review so that it's right around 1,000 words. That's much shorter than my L.A. Noire
review, which was around 1,200 words.
I appreciate the comment!