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Old 06-01-2011, 01:14 PM   #12
Richard Naik
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

Hey Decabo, a couple more things:
  • You've got a typo in the 6th paragraph-I think you meant to say "least interesting thing to talk about".
  • Don't use bolding for emphasis in a review-use italics.
  • In the 9th paragraph, take out the "so I guess" portion of the sentence about why you wanted more distractions. You're trying to be definitive about how you feel, so uncertainty isn't something you want to communicate.
  • ALso in the 9th paragraph, be a little bit more specific about your point on the story's dramatic weight. For example, instead of " and that's the dramatic weight the story it provides", say something like "the story was so dramatically heavy I wanted a distraction". Try to be as blunt about your points so the reader understands you as quickly as possible.

You're very close Decabo. Just a few more tweaks and I think this will be ready.
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