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Old 05-29-2011, 04:17 AM   #9
Richard Naik
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Re: Please Rate This Review: L.A. Noire

I think this has some potential, but try to address the following:
  • Don't use "you" ever, unless it's a rhetorical question or something like that.
  • In the first paragraph you say the game was "greatly oversold". What exactly was it hyped as that it did not live up to?
  • Not sure what this means:

    Quote:
    Although the lack of things to do in the world is a big issue with the game, it actually speaks to the strongest part of L.A. Noire, and that's the dramatic weight the story provides
    The following paragraph doesn't really explain it. How exactly does the lack of things to do add dramatic weight?
  • Can you be a little more specific in regards to what saved the game for you in the face of all the problems? Was it the "craftsmanship" of the city itself? Of the cases? The characters?
  • Gotta cut down the word count. The 1000 word goal isn't a hard limit, but try to make your arguments a little more concise. I'll leave it to you to decide what to cut, but I'm not feeling that your arguments require this much text.

I realize I'm trying to pull you in two different directions by asking you to cut down on wordiness while expanding some of your explanations () but it's the balance that every writer must find, and sometimes it can be tough. Give it another rewrite while keeping an lookout for broad statements that aren't backed up, and let's see what you come up with.
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