Originally Posted by Richard Naik
Hey Decabo, a few notes:
-This does come off as a bit more of a rant than a review to me, and it sounds like your dislike of ME2 is just spilling over into this piece. Try talking a little bit less about what you didn't like about ME2/the other DLC and more about what disappointed you about Arrival specifically.
-Also, try and read it to yourself and see if you can't pick out some awkward phrasing in there. For example:
I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean. You could turn off the console either way, right?
-Break the paragraphs up to make a little easier on the eyes.
-Use 'I' instead of 'you' in almost all cases. Writing in second person assigns value to the reader, which you don't want. Only acceptable use of 'you' is something like a rhetorical question.
Thanks for the advice! The comment you quoted was basically saying that since the DLC is so short, I just wanted to get it over with, as opposed to a long game, where I just want to turn it off. I didn't think it was too awkward, but I'll be more careful with that in the future.