View Single Post
Old 05-16-2011, 03:27 PM   #8
Eric Bowman
8-Bit Poster
 
Eric Bowman's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
Posts: 54
Rep Power: 4 Eric Bowman is an unknown quantity at this point
Re: Please Rate this Review: Mass Effect 2: Arrival DLC Second Opinion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard Naik View Post
Hey Decabo, a few notes:

-This does come off as a bit more of a rant than a review to me, and it sounds like your dislike of ME2 is just spilling over into this piece. Try talking a little bit less about what you didn't like about ME2/the other DLC and more about what disappointed you about Arrival specifically.

-Also, try and read it to yourself and see if you can't pick out some awkward phrasing in there. For example:



I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean. You could turn off the console either way, right?

-Break the paragraphs up to make a little easier on the eyes.

-Use 'I' instead of 'you' in almost all cases. Writing in second person assigns value to the reader, which you don't want. Only acceptable use of 'you' is something like a rhetorical question.

Thanks!
Thanks for the advice! The comment you quoted was basically saying that since the DLC is so short, I just wanted to get it over with, as opposed to a long game, where I just want to turn it off. I didn't think it was too awkward, but I'll be more careful with that in the future.
Eric Bowman is offline   Reply With Quote