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Old 05-16-2011, 01:16 PM   #7
Richard Naik
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Re: Please Rate this Review: Mass Effect 2: Arrival DLC Second Opinion

Hey Decabo, a few notes:

-This does come off as a bit more of a rant than a review to me, and it sounds like your dislike of ME2 is just spilling over into this piece. Try talking a little bit less about what you didn't like about ME2/the other DLC and more about what disappointed you about Arrival specifically.

-Also, try and read it to yourself and see if you can't pick out some awkward phrasing in there. For example:

If this was a full game, I'd be dying to turn off the console. Since this is a one-hour DLC, I was dying to finish and never return to it.
I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean. You could turn off the console either way, right?

-Break the paragraphs up to make a little easier on the eyes.

-Use 'I' instead of 'you' in almost all cases. Writing in second person assigns value to the reader, which you don't want. Only acceptable use of 'you' is something like a rhetorical question.

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