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Old 11-02-2009, 05:21 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: southern virginia
Posts: 289
Rep Power: 7 coyls3 will become famous soon enough
Re: Please rate this review: Demon's Souls

First I would like to say that you write well, but there are a few things I didn't like about the review.

1) you have no thesis for the review. Every good piece needs a thesis statement and the content of the review should follow along with that thesis. If you look at Brad's review you'll notice that his thesis was immersion and his review talked about the aspects of the game that allows a player to become immersed in the game. I wouldn't use his thesis,but you do need a thesis.

2) also, don't use second person. instead of using words like "you," try to use words like "the player" or "I."
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