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Old 03-19-2009, 07:52 PM   #5
aoki
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Re: Please rate this review: Noby Noby Boy

there's a lot to like about this review. does ramble a bit and there are the aforementioned jarring bits which i'd agree about dropping but nothing that editing couldn't fix.

punchy opener, one of the best i've read.

i like this par:

"Pull them in opposite directions, and the pink bond between them will strain before bursting into a colorful rope connecting both halves...There’s always a palpable strength to your character, like you were pulling a giant unbreakable lump of silly putty."

to be nitpicky i'd drop 'unbreakable' from the last sentence (i hate words starting with 'un', 'dis', 'anti', etc) but this is an example of good writing style with clear descriptions.

i don't have to think too hard to get what you're saying which is good. the sentences go places and say things, also good.
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