Re: Far Cry 2 - Rewrite
Alrighty dude, I'm going to tackle this one for ya and try to show where your writing needs to be stronger.
* Still lots of second-person references, i.e. "You end up with malaria", "if you are like me", "let's talk about its good features", etc.
* I would have liked to see more exposition on the game's premise. I could figure it out since I'm writing the official review for the game myself, but had I not played it I would have been a bit confused as to what the game is actually about.
* Wussy lead-ins are bad. For example, instead of saying, "One of the best things about this game was..." and then saying it, just say it.
* Stay away from casual wording, abbreviations and slang ("&", "I was like...")
* You said you didn't like the multiplayer, and you thought it was so bad that it deserved an exceptionally low 2 out 10, which usually denotes fundamentally broken gameplay, bugs, etc. But you didn't really expound on the multiplayer at all. I didn't get any sense of why you didn't like it, how much time you put into it, etc. etc.
* Aaand lastly, be a little more mindful of grammar, spelling, and syntax. Paragraphs seem to break arbitrarily, capitalization appears out of nowhere, etc.
So, my humble advice. You seem like a young guy who's really enthusiastic, and you've got a healthy enough interest in writing reviews to give it two heartfelt tries here. That's good, that's really good. But at this stage of the game, I think you'd benefit more from spending a lot more time simply reading reviews. Go over to edge-online.com and read as many of their reviews as you can stand. They have exceptional writing over there. Think hard about the differences between your reviews here and the Edge reviews, and of course spend plenty of time reading reviews here. Pay attention to the structure, the concepts, the way ideas are articulated.
I also think it's a good idea to just brainstorm ideas for reviews. So instead of writing a whole coherent review from start to finish, just keep a Word document open or something and whenever a good idea or concept pops in your head, write it down. It doesn't matter if it has any connection with any of your other ideas. I've actually written most of my reviews by just basically writing whatever comes to mind, then gradually editing and organizing it. If you practice this, you'll start to get a better sense for what kinds of concepts work, and what doesn't.
Last edited by Mike Doolittle; 12-21-2008 at 05:28 PM.