Grasshopper Manufacture

Nothing Inside the Armor

HIGH The first four levels have style for miles.

LOW The final level is boring, and the last boss is infuriating.

WTF The dry-humping piggybacker.

You got Your Bullet-hell in My Side-scroller!

HIGH It's… so… damned… pretty…

LOW Flying through the debris chute and failing to avoid the lasers.

WTF Why are the other powers not in story mode?

Rusted Sour

HIGH The soundtrack.

LOW Almost everything else.

WTF Ditto.

Friends in Time

HIGH You can't beat the feeling of imminent death suddenly giving way to absolute victory.

LOW Your friends don't like it when you curse the television so.

WTF Who's the wife when a bison fathers a wolverine?

So... Dream Team, eh?

HIGH The Moor Pu Dekcuf.

LOW The "Big Boner" and chase sequences.

WTF Justine looks like a reject from the Metal Gear Solid series.

Magnifico, Indeed

HIGH Killing six demons with a single Hot Boner.

LOW The boring switch puzzles right before the final boss.

WTF If I had to pick one, it'd be the discovery that strawberries are made of ground up tongues. Really, the entire game is a giant WTF.

I must begin with a disclaimer that I didn't like Shadows of the Damned very much, and I'm not sure if I'll bother finishing it (this coming from a man who didn't even give up on Flower, Sun, and Rain). The gameplay is standard, if unusually finicky, third-person shooting that borrows a stun mechanic from Alan Wake, the art direction is not particularly interesting, and the humor is something I'm about 20 years too old to appreciate.

More Boner Jokes than You Can Shake a Dick At

HIGH The interplay between Garcia and Johnson is often quite hilarious. I loved these characters, despite their inherent cheesiness. Oh, and the Evil Dead homage level.

LOW Avoiding a recurring enemy who instantly kills you when she touches you. The game's controls make that far more challenging than it should be at certain points.

WTF Seriously, this whole game is one giant WTF?!? moment.

The Cash-in

HIGH Taking a long, lonely journey to fight a lost cosmonaut.

LOW The dumbbell-punching minigame you play to build up strength.

WTF I'm fighting a giant balloon?